Issue 17                                                                                                                                             July  2009

           Off-Gassing...

                                                      (Web Version)

It was all a bit worrying.  What with traveling some 8 thousand miles in the company of the clubs most dubious characters, no real ale for two weeks and facing the prospect of being 60 in a few days time, all a bit to much.  However with a reputation to uphold I threw my butt into the airport taxi and selected “holiday mode”, the upgraded version.  On the way we picked up Paul Laughingberry and Ali, who were in the process of saying “goodbye” to their offspring for a fortnight.  The poor little sod was heartbroken, dancing and jumping up and down as we drove out of sight.

Birmingham Airport is a bit impressive these days. A Wetherspoons bar no less inside.  Unfortunately, only Pedigree on draught but we suffered a couple before going through the check in etc.  We were reluctant to leave the cheap ale but guess what greeted us on the other side.  Oh joy, oh bliss! Another Wetherspoons. Only this time serving Ringwood 49er.  A wonder we didn't miss the plane.  We incidentally being DO Phil, Chris, Ali and Paul, Phillipa, Phil Bab, Cher, Fay, Lin and me.  A lot of flying had to be done but food and TV's with numerous channels and even linked to a camera showing a view of the landing.  As we approached Dubai we could almost see the runway.  The ground was clearly visible.  Fay being a pilot was first to spot the deliberate mistake. “What the hell is he doing? This can't work”.  For all the world it looked as if we were going to miss the strip completely.  No he wasn't using my compass!  He did have to do some severe juggling about when violent weaving and tailwaging was experienced at the bad side of about 180mph.  As there was no side wind I asked Fay, out of curiosity, If they had a technical term for that type of landing? “Yes she replied” a total “balls up !  He wants smacking round the head with …” “Yes, yes I get the picture”.

Bangkok was the place that held my greatest fears and inside the airport didn't help.  When you see real lookers with dirty old men and or dirty old women, questions enter your head.  Who is doing what with what? And claims are heard about young folk with a mixture of sex organs.  Does that make the clients straight, homosexual or lesbian.  Or, all three.  It was all so bizarre I began to wonder where they kept the donkey, “Hey! Minstrel”. I thought there was something missing.  “You've done what”? Surprise, surprise I can hardly wait. “Sing lovely boy”.

They took the Tamel to Bangkok,

Felt sorry for the poor old codger,

Where much to everybody's shock,

They saw a woman with a todger,

Bad Tamel, Bad Tamel,

He didn’t know what to do,

Bad Tamel, Bad Tamel,

It asked him for a screw,

Bad Tamel. Bad Tamel,

Says Bangkok is the pits,

Cause now he has nightmares,

Of boys with “threepenny bits”.

That says it all.  Luckily for us all, the taxi driver was a bloke type guy and despite the fact that he may have come from a “reverse universe” (stopping at green lights and going on red) we were soon to arrive at our hotel safely.  Nice gaff or what.  Something was missing.  Beer!  Educated nostrils sniffed out a bar at  light speed and then after it was bye byes times.

Morning came and we had a couple of hours to kill after breakfast, so we went exploring.  Things were a trifle restricted as none in their right mind would attempt to cross any road.  Still we investigated all the stores, sheds and shacks in our “safe” area.  Being an old,  OK, very old softy I like the idea of free range livestock.  But I have never seen chickens ranging so free as these muthas.  They were scrumping!

With the sun now beginning to make its presence felt, dehydration was catching up on all of us.  So we decided that the bar would be the safest place to wait for the taxi to return us to the airport for our internal flight.  Hopefully complete with driver who stopped at red lights.  You never know.  After a few cans of Thai neck oil, diving became the subject and then the prospect of pirate encounters.  Time to put things in perspective.

1/ We were in a country where Viagra could be bought cheaply at any store or so we were told. And the place didn't seem that over populated.

2/ A disturbing proportion of the natives were of questionable gender.

With this in mind, were we afraid of a bunch of impotent nancy boy tarts with AK47s and machetes? No. No, no, no, no, yes!  Or at least under normal circumstances we would be.  However one of our number, a mariner of formidable reputation, had already experienced their activities.  None other that “El Babbo” the Barbarian, scourge of the seven seas.  At the sound of his name, pirates tremble and say “who the f---- is El Babbo?”  We felt safe.  The more we drank the safer we felt.

This probably a good time to take a break.  Look I know this might be a riveting read but!  So would we be sober enough for the taxi?  Would the sh—b-gs fit me up with a lady boy?  Would El Babbo save us from the pirates and would Paul Laughingberry  rewire the whole country?  I should mention at this point that our Paul condemned all wiring in Thailand including the way people were wired.  Explains a lot dudes. 

                 Back Soon.

Rainbow Trout

PRIMA POLO SHIRTS

Various colours. S,M,L, XL  £10, Extra for names.   

Order early to avoid disappointment. .

See Lil.

           —————

If you have any items for sale please let us know

The rainbow trout is native only to the rivers and lakes of North America, west of the Rocky Mountains, but its value as a hard-fighting game fish and tasty meal has led to its introduction throughout the world.

Rainbow trout, also called redband trout, are gorgeous fish, with colouring and patterns that vary widely depending on habitat, age, and spawning condition. They are torpedo-shaped and generally blue-green or yellow-green in colour with a pink streak along their sides, white underbelly, and small black spots on their back and fins.

They are members of the salmon family and, like their salmon cousins, can grow quite large. They average about 20 to 30 inches (51 to 76 centimetres) long and around 8 pounds (3.6 kilograms), but can grow as long as 4 feet (1.2 meters) and weigh up to 53 pounds (24 kg).

They prefer cool, clear rivers, streams, and lakes, though some will leave their freshwater homes and follow a river out to the sea. These migratory adults, called steelheads because they acquire more silvery markings, will spend several years in the ocean, but must return to the stream of their birth to spawn.

Rainbow trout survive on insects, crustaceans, and small fish. Their populations are healthy worldwide and they have no special status or protections. However, they are now considered a non-native pest species in some areas where they have been introduced.

Baked trout

50 g (2 oz) butter

4 trout, cleaned

1 lemon, sliced

5 tablespoons dry white wine

1 teaspoon dried tarragon

Salt pepper

Parsley sprigs to garnish

Line a baking dish with a large piece of foil, allowing sufficient to hang over the sides. Spread the butter over the foil. Lay the trout in the dish and arrange the lemon slices on top.

 Mix together the wine, tarragon, and salt and pepper to taste and pour over the fish

 Fold the foil over the trout to make a parcel and fold the edges together to seal.

Cook in a pre heated moderate oven, 180°C (350°F), gas mark 4, for 30 minutes.

 Transfer the trout to a warmed serving dish. Pour over the juices and garnish with parsley.

 Serves 4

Wreck of the Month

Editors Corner

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this months issue, and apologies for any mistakes.

Any further articles for next months edition would be appreciated, (any gossip, scandals, etc that’s printable) so let us know by 20th August 2009.

If anyone would like to write a profile of their diving career, please let us know.

Hope you enjoyed this issue.

Thought for the month

" Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark?"

NEVADA II (position LAT 56° 41' 26" LONG 06° 29' 38")

Sank 19th July 1942 when it was caught in fog and wedged solid on the rocks just east of Rubha Mor headland at the north west side of Coll. Whilst on the rocks the crew scrambled ashore and prior to being further damaged by the weather and sinking down the side of the cliff.

The Nevada II started life as the Rovuma,  a 5,618 ton steel steamship built for the German East Africa Line.  This line operated passenger and cargo services between Germany and East African, West African and South African ports from 1890. (Also between South Africa and India.)

 With the end of the First World War, the ship was turned over to the Compagnie Générale Transatlantique (French Line) as part of war reparations and renamed the Nevada. Its tonnage was then recorded as being 5,693 tons.

 In 1940, it was taken over by the Ministry of War Transport, managed by Henderson Shipping, being  renamed in 1941 Nevada II.

She was used to carry a cargo of army vehicles, foodstuff and supplies for the troops in West Africa, being part of a World War 2 convoy, and prior to eventually sinking her luxury goods were salvaged (especially by the locals who must have thought all their Christmas's had come at once). Whilst the superstructure is very broken up the wreckage tumbles down the cliff to a charted depth of 16 meters. Her boilers and hull are fairly intact with scattered cargo still to be seen.  It’s a great rummaging dive, with plenty of sea life and good visibility.